Issue 126
Leaving The Known Place – Part 9
by
Hal and Sidra Stone
There is a meditation that is used to help people get in touch with their deeper selves. It begins with the statement: “You are leaving the known space of this room and going into a new space that is unknown to you.”
This introduction to meditation is very appropriate when we think about couples living together in a home or an apartment, especially when there are children involved. It seems to us of the utmost importance for couples to leave their known space and move into an unknown space, or more practically, a different space.
What this means is that we feel it is essential for
couples to leave their regular place of
living and to spend time somewhere else. It is best
if this can be an overnight somewhere, or even a few nights. Short of this, it
might mean a regular dinner out once a week or a breakfast out once a week.
Wherever you live on an ongoing basis, your basic
bonding patterns are operating. When
you leave home, you have the chance
of separating from these patterns.
This is different from going away with the children. When children are around, the father and mother selves are active. Alone, you have the chance to have a different kind of experience. The aware ego has a better chance to emerge, and you have an opportunity of seeing one another in a new light and new way.
There are always good reasons for not getting away. There is not enough money or not enough time. There is a party to go to or the children need you.
When you stop making time to be alone, you are locked into a bonding pattern, and it is the bonding pattern that makes it impossible to get away, not all the reasons you can muster.
Intimacy with another human being requires time alone with that person. It must be given priority and needs to be built into the system on some regular basis.
When finances are an issue, arrangements can be made with other couples with similar needs to take
turns taking care of one
another’s children.